Anger can be used to defend against feelings of vulnerability or when we are fearful of a perceived challenge.
The forceful energy of anger can enable us to feel huge and powerful when inside we are feeling small and threatened. This type of anger is often described as a firey rage; ‘seeing red’, obliterates any rational perspective. From this inflated position we can convince ourselves that we are justified in our behaviours, though secretly we might have doubt, regret and even shame. Conversely, anger can be cold and calculating; illiciting a seductive desire for revenge. Sometimes we can be so frightened of these destructive aspects of anger; it seems too dangerous, so that we cut off from it all together and deny that we ever feel angry – all the while underneath lies a fury that we fear, if released, might kill us, turn us mad - or worse - destroy those we love.
Feelingsare neither right nor wrong. It is okay to feel angry; we may fully believe that we are being treated unfairly. However,actionscan be right or wrong. It is not okay to hurt ourselves, others, or property when we feel angry.
Used positively, anger can be an honest friend which helps to identify when our boundaries have been overstepped; it can let us know when something is not okay and motivate us toward change. Bringing awareness to our angry feelings and situations is the first step in learning to be assertive, rather than aggressive and ultimately toward using this energy productively; we can then make a choice whether to attack, defend, walk away or take action to change.
10 Ways to Manage Anger
Walk away
This is not a sign of weakness! It gives you time to think things through rather than taking action which you might later regret or which might have serious consequences.
Exercise
Physical activity reduces stress. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a walk, run or bike ride. Martial arts classes teach balancing anger with control and self-discipline.
Talk to someone WHO YOU ARE NOT FEELING ANGRY WITH
Bottling up your feelings can add to stress and anxiety, share them with someone you trust. Alternatively write your feelings down in a personal journal.
Distract yourself
The concentration needed for this activity gives your physical body time to calm down.
Count back from 100 in 3’s.
Take short breaks regularly throughout a stressful day. A few moments of quiet time can release tension and irritation.
Take a timeout
Use humour
Humour is a great way of dissipating tension, breaking the ice and changing a negative atmosphere. Learning to be kind to yourself and laugh at your imperfections is way better than criticising yourself.
Practice relaxation skills
Use relaxation to maintain calm. When the physical body is relaxed the mind will follow. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene or listen to your favourite mellow music.
Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on what you can change – even if the solution isn’t ideal. If a young person’s untidy room frustrates you, close the door. If your parents’ rules seem unreasonable, remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse. When you’re feeling calmer you can work out reasonable ways to negotiate.
Know when to seek help
Learning to control anger is a challenge foreveryoneat times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.
Why Not sign up for our Anger & Behaviour Management Workshop?
You will learn how to:
- identify triggers
- spot signs that anger is building.
- Practice Coping Skills
- be heard without shouting
- be assertive rather than aggressive
- Feel empowered rather than restricted
Workshops are held over 3 weeks. Each session is 1 ½ hours and costs £10 per session.
Call: 01702 337883 or email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for more information